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How much do you tell your kids about your past life?

Discussion in 'The VIP Lounge' started by Guest, May 14, 2007.

  1. Our kids are now in puberty and alot of questions about our past lives keep coming up with regard to sex, drugs and rock and roll(jk about the R&R part).

    Do you folks tell your kids about your past bad deeds..... or not?

    If you tell them, how do you phrase it so that they don't rationalize their own behavior by quoting yours?
     
  2. Our kids are now in puberty and alot of questions about our past lives keep coming up with regard to sex, drugs and rock and roll(jk about the R&R part).

    Do you folks tell your kids about your past bad deeds..... or not?

    If you tell them, how do you phrase it so that they don't rationalize their own behavior by quoting yours?
     
  3. Jason Lorette

    Jason Lorette Active Member

    Don't waste your ammunition...in that I mean, when they are trying to "get away with" something...if they already know you've done it...they won't try and deceive you...but if they don't know you've done it, and they try, you can catch them and you will appear the most alert/intelligent parent around...."nothin' gets past dad" :p

    I don't have kids...this is just my plan...I've 'done' most things my future kids are going to 'try' and get away with...not gonna happen. ;)
     
  4. Jason Lorette

    Jason Lorette Active Member

    Don't waste your ammunition...in that I mean, when they are trying to "get away with" something...if they already know you've done it...they won't try and deceive you...but if they don't know you've done it, and they try, you can catch them and you will appear the most alert/intelligent parent around...."nothin' gets past dad" :p

    I don't have kids...this is just my plan...I've 'done' most things my future kids are going to 'try' and get away with...not gonna happen. ;)
     
  5. Jason... seems you are wise beyond your real dad years.

    We actually haven't been asked and haven't volunteered info on our past drug use by our kids, aged 12 and 13. I think they assume we used weed and booze, but know that sex is different now than it was then since AIDs is a consequence.... Still, we probably need to have the current age appropriate talk with them on sex and make sure they realize that it demeans them and potentially can kill them too. That would include a trip to some horrid AIDs hospice to talk to victims too.....

    To think that all I worried about like this when I was young was nuclear annihilation. Brrrr.
     
  6. Jason... seems you are wise beyond your real dad years.

    We actually haven't been asked and haven't volunteered info on our past drug use by our kids, aged 12 and 13. I think they assume we used weed and booze, but know that sex is different now than it was then since AIDs is a consequence.... Still, we probably need to have the current age appropriate talk with them on sex and make sure they realize that it demeans them and potentially can kill them too. That would include a trip to some horrid AIDs hospice to talk to victims too.....

    To think that all I worried about like this when I was young was nuclear annihilation. Brrrr.
     
  7. Jason Lorette

    Jason Lorette Active Member

    Make them watch Philidelphia if you want to talk to them about AIDs ;)

    Jason

    PS> And yes...it's time...I was only 2 years older than your oldest when it was my first time...the booze and the smoking had already been experimented with by then.
     
  8. Jason Lorette

    Jason Lorette Active Member

    Make them watch Philidelphia if you want to talk to them about AIDs ;)

    Jason

    PS> And yes...it's time...I was only 2 years older than your oldest when it was my first time...the booze and the smoking had already been experimented with by then.
     
  9. Ken McDaniel

    Ken McDaniel Active Member War Zone Member

    Offer nothing, but do not lie when asked. Of course, that's easier said than done, my kids are only 4 and 6. :)
     
  10. Ken McDaniel

    Ken McDaniel Active Member War Zone Member

    Offer nothing, but do not lie when asked. Of course, that's easier said than done, my kids are only 4 and 6. :)
     
  11. Dan Driscoll

    Dan Driscoll HTT Refugee Donor War Zone Member

    "do not lie" is the biggie, I hated it when I knew my parents were lying to me. Not even children will respect a hypocrite.
     
  12. Dan Driscoll

    Dan Driscoll HTT Refugee Donor War Zone Member

    "do not lie" is the biggie, I hated it when I knew my parents were lying to me. Not even children will respect a hypocrite.
     
  13. brianca

    brianca New Member

    Of course, your parents said the same thing. ;)
     
  14. brianca

    brianca New Member

    Of course, your parents said the same thing. ;)
     
  15. Stefan

    Stefan New Member War Zone Member

    I would definitely not volunteer the information. Personally, I would be taken aback by questions like this. I wouldn't have thought in a million years to ask my mother and father about their sex lives.

    Anyway, I think my answer would depend on how my kids would take it. I would have no problem lying - or at least leaving out the full truth if I thought that the answer would negatively influence the kid. In regards to sex, I don't see where it is any of my kid's business. They need to learn about it properly, but they don't need every detail of my personal experiences. As a parent, you need to be a role model. That's your job - or at least one of them. If the answer to a question would make me look like a hypocrite, then I would leave it out.
     
  16. Stefan

    Stefan New Member War Zone Member

    I would definitely not volunteer the information. Personally, I would be taken aback by questions like this. I wouldn't have thought in a million years to ask my mother and father about their sex lives.

    Anyway, I think my answer would depend on how my kids would take it. I would have no problem lying - or at least leaving out the full truth if I thought that the answer would negatively influence the kid. In regards to sex, I don't see where it is any of my kid's business. They need to learn about it properly, but they don't need every detail of my personal experiences. As a parent, you need to be a role model. That's your job - or at least one of them. If the answer to a question would make me look like a hypocrite, then I would leave it out.
     
  17. brianca

    brianca New Member

    i think it's a dangerous path to go down to set a precedent with your kids that it's ok to lie if the truth makes you look bad. Someday, your kids will learn the truth. I can't tell you how many times we'd be a family reunions or something and someone would tell me stories about my dad as a kid. If he had lied about those events prior to me being told those stories, my opinion of him would be much lower.

    if you're telling your kids how to act, I think it's reasonable for them to ask you about your expereinces. There's nothing hypocritical about changing you mind based on experiences. I think it's healthy to talk to your kids about your mistakes and why you don't want them to make them.

    unless you're in a ' do it because I said so' family, these conversations are very important.
     
  18. brianca

    brianca New Member

    i think it's a dangerous path to go down to set a precedent with your kids that it's ok to lie if the truth makes you look bad. Someday, your kids will learn the truth. I can't tell you how many times we'd be a family reunions or something and someone would tell me stories about my dad as a kid. If he had lied about those events prior to me being told those stories, my opinion of him would be much lower.

    if you're telling your kids how to act, I think it's reasonable for them to ask you about your expereinces. There's nothing hypocritical about changing you mind based on experiences. I think it's healthy to talk to your kids about your mistakes and why you don't want them to make them.

    unless you're in a ' do it because I said so' family, these conversations are very important.
     
  19. So... is our choice one of either: "Times have Changed" or "Do as I say, not as I did", or a combination of the two?

    So far, we're going the non-committal route and not answering questions on our deeds unless asked. So far, so good... but, we are not so stupid as to think they don't know what happened during our college years....
     
  20. So... is our choice one of either: "Times have Changed" or "Do as I say, not as I did", or a combination of the two?

    So far, we're going the non-committal route and not answering questions on our deeds unless asked. So far, so good... but, we are not so stupid as to think they don't know what happened during our college years....
     

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