Will Your DVD Collection Effect Your Love Life?

Discussion in 'The VIP Lounge' started by Mike Kelly, Jun 14, 2007.

  1. Mike Kelly

    Mike Kelly Active Member

    From The Onion:

    Harsh Light Of Morning Falls On One-Night Stand's DVD Collection

    MILWAUKEE, WI?The harsh light of morning fell on the terrible DVD collection of Marc Koenig Monday, when Traci Pearle discovered it upon waking up from their one-night stand.

    "It was a wild night, and from what I can recall, I had a great time with Marc," said Pearle, 25. "But I wonder if I would've felt the same way had I known the guy is the proud owner of Rollerball."

    Pearle, a Marquette University graduate student, and Koenig, a graphic designer, met Sunday during a party at the home of a mutual friend. Pearle and Koenig hit it off almost immediately, thanks largely to their mutual drunkenness. After a lengthy make-out session in a back room, the two departed for Koenig's nearby one-bedroom apartment, where they spent the night.

    Her powers of observation impaired by alcohol and darkness, Pearle took little notice of Koenig's furnishings. It was not until 8 a.m. that the hung-over Pearle, en route to the bathroom, came across Koenig's disturbingly random, mediocrity-filled DVD collection.

    "The glare from the living-room window made my eyes smart," Pearle said. "I rubbed them, and the first thing I saw was Narrow Margin sitting on Marc's sunlit coffee table."
    A nearby DVD shelf revealed similarly banal choices, including Driven, Evolution, Swordfish, Tomcats, Point Break, Pushing Tin, Bedazzled, Flatliners, My Blue Heaven, and Proof Of Life.

    While acknowledging that the majority of Koenig's movies were "not out-and-out horrible," Pearle wondered why anyone would own those particular titles.

    "They're the sort of things you'd rent, not buy, if you watch them at all," Pearle said. "Out of the thousands of movies you could own, why would you spend your money on this stuff? Don't you buy a movie because you're somehow passionate about it and want to watch it again and again? Does this guy feel that way about Hard Rain?"

    In spite of a wicked hangover, Pearle could not resist hypothesizing about Koenig based on his DVD choices.
    "It struck me as weird that the same person would possess both Hellraiser 2 and Holy Man," Pearle said. "What did it mean? That he's a guy with eclectic tastes, and therefore tolerant and open-minded? Or is he just meek and wishy-washy, surrendering his tastes and imagination to arbitrary pop-culture dictates? He seemed like such a smart, cool guy."

    Continued Pearle: "I slept with a guy who, at some point in his life, walked into a store and said to the cashier, 'Hi, I would like to purchase this copy of The Legend Of Bagger Vance.'"

    Pearle admitted that her decision to leave Koenig's apartment around 8:20 a.m. was heavily influenced by the discovery of the DVD collection.
    "As I got dressed, Marc sat up in bed and took my hand, telling me he had the day off from work if I wanted to stay in with him," Pearle said. "I considered it, but then I noticed the Vince Vaughn version of Psycho on the nightstand, so I made up something about having to meet my professor in half an hour."

    Therapist and counselor Dr. Patricia Abel said the one-night stand did not come to a particularly unusual end.

    "Often, casual sexual encounters between two people are not repeated because one of the parties has judged the other based on his or her personal effects," Abel said. "There exists a societal stigma against so-called 'one-night stands,' so Traci may have been subconsciously associating latent feelings of guilt and unfulfillment with Marc's ownership of several Ashley Judd thrillers."

    Pearle herself has been the victim of possessions-based judgment following a one-night stand. On June 4, 2000, pizza-delivery driver James Gaines fled Pearle's apartment shortly after 6 a.m. when the morning light revealed a Toad The Wet Sprocket CD and a prescription bottle of Xanax.
  2. Drew

    Drew Well-Known Member War Zone Member Top Poster

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  3. CJ

    CJ Bronze Member Admin War Zone Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    I keep weirder crap than bad DVDs around to make sure she goes home in the morning!
  4. Tom R S 4

    Tom R S 4 New Member War Zone Member

    Does your wife know you talk about her like that? :wink:
  5. CJ

    CJ Bronze Member Admin War Zone Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    My wife doesn't KNOW about her.
  6. Tom R S 4

    Tom R S 4 New Member War Zone Member

    I was trying to figure out how this could be, and then it dawned on me: Your wife is passed out when she comes over to your place. :wink:
  7. Rich Kraus

    Rich Kraus Active Member

    dosnt sound like such a bad thing. seems i remember an old adage as to why one pays a prostitute. you pay them to leave :)
  8. LarryB

    LarryB Active Member

    Hmmm, maybe I should start buying some DVDs after all. ;) :)
  9. Drew

    Drew Well-Known Member War Zone Member Top Poster

    A lot of 'em. :twisted:

  10. chad

    chad Well-Known Member War Zone Member Top Poster

    My dvds get me in trouble all of the time! She always wants to watch movies like "The Notebook" and "Wedding Date"

    I say.. go watch it! She says "But I want you to watch it with me" so she wont go watch it.... But then, I go sit down and watch something I want to watch and I either hear A. "Thanks for asking if I want to watch it with you" or B. she does come and watch it but then says "Why do we always have to watch what YOU WANT"

    I usually just wait for her to A. Be in bed or B. Leave before I watch something I want to watch that she could care less about.

    I think a one night stand would be easier, then again, I had one once. It should of been at her house because she came over the next night... with her daughter. She asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with them. We hung out for a few months. Some of her stuff ended up at my place. I got her hooked on buying dvds and when I was getting her stuff ready for her to "leave" I packed up her dvds. She went through the entire collection and tried to take about half of mine as well as hers because "We bought them together"

    Movie collections and women do not mix.
  11. CJ

    CJ Bronze Member Admin War Zone Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    I wish I had your problem Chad, I get my wife to watch a movie about once a month at most :(
  12. Michael M

    Michael M Active Member

    It's a very simple solution. Take turns picking out a movie.

    When I'm with someone, I rarely care what we do as long as we are doing something together. Now when I say I don't care, that means I'm easy enough going to do things that I might not get overly excited about if it makes the S.O. happy. More times than not when I want to do something they aren't excited to do, they will do it because I want to. It's been extremely rare I've run into issues.
  13. Alfer

    Alfer New Member

    So what does Colton pick out when u 2 are "hanging out"??

  14. Drew Mitten

    Drew Mitten New Member

    My girlfriend and I like to "watch" You Got Mail.
  15. LarryB

    LarryB Active Member


    My girlfriend and I...

    Larry (Your second father ;) )
  16. Drew

    Drew Well-Known Member War Zone Member Top Poster

    It's your lie man, tell it like ya want. :wink:
  17. Drew Mitten

    Drew Mitten New Member

    It's before noon. I am excused from grammatical errors.
  18. CJ

    CJ Bronze Member Admin War Zone Member

    Top Poster Of Month

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
  19. Drew Mitten

    Drew Mitten New Member

    You two are the worst! :evil:
  20. chad

    chad Well-Known Member War Zone Member Top Poster

    CJ, there has to be a way to get you wife in the movie room with you more and a way to get mine out more.

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